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GAY PEOPle's ChronICLE MAY 15, 1998

The Lesbian/Gay Community Service Center of Greater Cleveland and The Human Rights Campaign present

Celebrate!

Cleveland Marriage Expo '98

Celebrate! Explore the many ways to celebrate your relationship. Assemble the pieces for your union & your future.

Info.

What are your legal rights as a couple? Update! What's happening in Hawaii? What does the future hold for Same-Sex Marriage?

Vendors!

You're Invited!

=

HUMAN RIGHTS CAMPAIGN

The Center

Local florists, caterers, attorneys & others on hand to help you plan your big day!

Join us for this important

celebration of our love & commitment:

Sunday, June 14th 1-5pm

Glidden House Hotel 1901 Ford Dr. (University Circle)

FREE & Open to the public call (216)522-1999 for more information

Visit Any of Our 3 Locations!

VIDEO

ENTRAL

Still the largest Laserdisc selection in Central Ohio

OPEN 24 HOURS

Large selection of Videos. All ratings (including XXX), Super Nintendo, Sega.

BIG TIPS

My large friend doesn't know: Fat can be sexy

by M.T. "the Big Tipper" Martone

I'm not looking for a date these days, so I feel I can bare my soul and share a deep secret with you. Then, if I'm looking again, hopefully enough time will have passed, and this little conversation will have faded from memory.

Here goes: I snore. Okay, that's not an adequate description of what I do. I really, really snore; really, really loud. All night.

At first I thought my friends and sweeties were exaggerating their claims, but one evening I actually woke myself up with a noise so thunderous, so vacuum-like, so Boeing-esque, I think I sucked a bald patch right into my girlfriend's head.

My sonorous trait really taxed her during the first few weeks of dating while we tried to figure out how we'd ever actually sleep together. Ultimately I politely rebuffed offers of a back-alley throat surgery, and we went with earplugs, particularly the squishy ones that expand in your ears.

At first she felt a little grumpy about having to wear them, but she's always been a light sleeper, and these have really helped in general. And frankly, no matter how many the dog eats, they're a lot cheaper than building a highway noise-pollution barrier down the middle of the bedroom.

Ms. Martone,

"

I have a friend who's seriously overweight. Like doctors say, he is "morbidly obese. He's about 5'9" and weighs in at 300 lbs or more. It's not like I've asked him exactly how much he weighs.

And there's the rub. We talk a lot about his crushes on other guys he's interested in, and we talk back on forth on how he should approach friends he's interested in romantically. But the advice never even gets close to me saying the guy he's interested in might not be interested romantically because he's enormous—even if he's great to talk to and go to movies with. He doesn't mention his weight because he's always been that way, but I can't see where I can insert it into a common sense approach to his dating woes. He's not a member of Girth and Mirth, our local chubbies and chasers group, because he's fairly young and doesn't categorize himself that way—as a big fat guy. But he is. Like I said he's a great guy, he's great to be with, has loads of friends both male and female. I guess it would be easier if he was a mess, stunk, had bad breath and was heavy, but he's only heavy-none of those other more obvious flaws. Any advice I give him on dating seems a waste without mention of his size. What's a buddy to do?

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Dear Fresh Breath, Fat Ass,

My pal Laura was just on vacation in Mexico with some women she knew. One day, she was lounging at the pool, and eyeballing this really fat guy across from her. She leaned over to one of her traveling companions and said, “I think that guy's really sexy." Her acquaintance was appalled, and didn't say anything.

As Laura went on about another friend of hers starting to date a really big guy, and how that had opened her eyes to the real sensuality in a lot of big folks, the woman continued to ignore her entire conversation, and didn't even offer a comment.

This huge prejudice is often masked as concern for the person's health: Yes, it is extra work for a heart to pull a fat ass around, and if a big person has bad eating habits or an unfortunate gene profile, she or he may have high cholesterol or high blood pressure.

However, it's currently impossible to separate the ill effects of living in a fat body, and those of living in a fat body in a culture that hates and fears you. A lot of ill health in the African-American and immigrant populations in the U.S. has been linked to stress. Who knows what it would be like to be fat if it was a non-"loaded" physical characteristic, like being blonde?

Ironically, it's harder for fat people to exercise without being subject to scrutiny, and the pressure to diet perpetuates itself, since limiting caloric intake rarely works in the long run, and is more likely to set into motion a yo-yo pattern that lowers metabolism and increases weight.

If you're a chunky character who walks a few miles a day, and has good cholesterol and blood pressure, chances are you're healthier than some skinny-ass smoker who never gets out of the car.

Life is full of humiliations for fat people, not the least of which is not being considered romantically by many. The prejudice and ́ repercussions are real. I'm a big gal, and I protected my virtue a few years longer than I would have liked because the offers were not as fast and furious as they might have been if I were smaller.

However, a contributing factor in my isolation was my unhappiness about my body. Not necessarily the reality of my body, but the one I was trained to loathe and hide, and also my fear of the other fat women who were the first ones to ask me out. Surely it would be easier to "hide” being fat if I weren't with another fat person, and besides, people would just assume that we'd both had to "settle."

In fact, however, fat people who've come to understand and feel affection for and pride in themselves, and feel their sexiness, are more able to recognize that in other fat folks (or any people with different shells) than folks who haven't been forced to deal with difference in such a personal way. And, fortunately, there are tons of people (so to speak) of all different sizes out there who will be attracted to your friend. It'll just take longer, because the pool of people who will be attracted to him will be smaller in number.

As long as he feels comfortable and happy in his body, and he continues to be the prince he sounds like, he just needs to keep his circulation up, maybe place a specific personal ad, or check out Girth and Mirth. He'll score. Talk him up to your eligible friends. He sounds like a sweetie.

German Village: 231 E. Livingston v 614-221-6848

North: 1299 Bethal Rd 614-442-TAPE

Columbus: 4400 Westerville Rd ▼ 614-478-1998

Betsy Warner Agent

3091 Mayfield Road #217 Cleveland Heights, Ohio 44]18 Office (216) 932-6900

For a limited time, everyone who sends a letter or e-mail question to Big Tips will receive a piece of Blessed Mother bric-abrac: a key chain, a little statuette, perhaps a magnet. I am breaking up and dispersing a huge collection over the course of this year, and you are my latest recipients.

For more information on "The Diaspora Project," contact me at M.T. Martone, care of the Chronicle, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland 44101, or fax to 216-631-1052, or e-mail to martone@drizzle.com.